update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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