I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
