you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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