i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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