Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
