Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
