in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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