if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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