Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
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