So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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