"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
