He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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