Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
