I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
