bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
