Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
