i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
