True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
