Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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