i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
