You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
