She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
