It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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