peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
