Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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