apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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