my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
