We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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