Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
