You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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