So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
