I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
