you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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