he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
