Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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