8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
