found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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