wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
that is very illegal...i love you.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
