I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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