capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
