You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
