Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
