I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
