The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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