he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
