so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
