the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
