I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
