Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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