If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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