Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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