i need an iv and a liver transplant
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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