I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
