his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
