I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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