Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
